You cannot take a final position from a person only from exchanging thoughts with him. Every mental giving is a way of treating, i.e. a relation between two human entities. A pure philosophical position is related, in a way or another, to the heart. Man is a complete entity and not just a brain. The scientific position itself is a commitment. The human brain is not a train that moves from a station to the other; it is a confrontation and an embracing.
Therefore, it is wrong when someone thinks that if he gives convincing arguments, according to him, it will automatically be transmitted from a brain to another. There are people that don’t surrender to logic and are usually annoyed from strict logic. There are also people that don’t accept the truth even if we proved it, even though it is confirmed for us. There are some people that their hearts move when they’re convinced, and others are convinced when their hearts move. Some minds are less preponderant than others. Some understand through their heart and intuition. Some analyze thoughts, and others can’t think beyond the tangible incident and can only talk about daily life stories.
We, as Christians, have a big relation with the mind and a relation with the heart. There are human models close to calm prudence and others close to emotion and reaction. Those who are closer to logic can analyze and believe people until the opposite is proved. While those who are closer to emotions usually tend to misunderstand; they deal with actions through reactions.
Since the mind and passion are mixed in every person, it is important to deliver the truth to him, the healing truth through passion and logic together. We must respect him to the maximum; the person that has descent morals does not hurt anyone or show him negative pride so that the other’s heart will stay pure to be able to understand. It is difficult to accept an argument from a person knowing that he hates you; you react to his argument through emotion. You must buy his love so that he accepts you and your thoughts. He might like you but reject your thought, but he won’t refuse your person. You don’t teach him only by going down to his mental level, but also by going down to the status of his heart. This means that you should be humble and heartbroken.
The condition for communication is to have a calm tone. Shouting often cuts the communication, because it usually carries a refusal for the other. If you shout at someone, he’ll think that you hate him and this will make him stop listening and might hear nothing.
If your nerves became tense do not talk; ease your anger. Stay quiet for a while until you feel that you became calm. This way you purify your mind and do not shock or hurt the other.
If you heard the other person shouting, pray for him and embrace him in your heart. And if you saw him nervous, postpone your answer to another time and do not admonish him unless he was very close to you. Some shouters are like angry monsters so they curse and swear. A person like that is not able to understand. If you can answer him after he becomes calm, make him first feel secure towards you through nice words that he might accept or not.
This is a pedagogic attitude; having cold nerves does not mean not having feelings, but the important thing is that the other person understands that you are agreeing with him and you are not far from him but calm. Talk to him and show him interest in the subject and his person. However, in all cases stay honest and show him that you are internally angry without any shouting. Show you difference and the points of your difference, and there is no problem if you decided to stop talking to him for a while to make him understand that you are sad. But make him understand that this break from him does not carry hatred towards him. You can stay far from him until he accepts making up with you on the basis of the truth.
The only important thing is to seek the truth, what you want comes last in comparison with the truth as it is not meant for you to win. You are nothing but a servant for the truth. Train others to love the truth, this way you become the raiser of every person life put in front of you. You are not in control of anyone. You take people’s hands and lead them to God that revives their hearts. You are a preceptor because you love.
Translated by Mark Najjar
Original Text: “الموقف التربوي” – 23.1.2000
